There are arguments floating around in the world about which weapon is the most dangerous - swords, guns, words? Which one has the ability to do the most harm? Which one is most likely to break a person down? I have come to a conclusion that although all of these things have the potential to be the most dangerous, none of them compare to the damage that can be brought upon by the mind.
The above is a piece I have taken from a blog post that I wrote months ago, back in February. I have recently found my mind wandering in dangerous territory, and it is the same exact territory I faced seven months ago. Old emotions are being thrown into the air once again, and new emotions are arising. I cannot help but to feel as if I am trapped in this situation. I think, and I think too much.
As always, I have been thinking a lot about my parents and how drastically my life has changed since the death of my father. Although the time continues to pass, one thing is for sure: he will never leave my mind. I am always asked “What is on your mind? How are you? Anything you would like to share?,” and my response always ends up being the same thing. Honestly, even I get tired of hearing the same thing. I would love to be able to move on and finally cease grieving, but it is something that I am having difficulty doing.
All of the deaths I have been put through are not the only thing that has been on my mind though. I am reconsidering what I would like to do with my life. I have no idea what I want to do. I always thought psychology was something I was passionate about. I was interested in the brain, I was interested in helping people, I was interested in learning how people socialize, what makes people work - all of these various elements. Now, I am not sure if this is something I want to do with the rest of my life. I lack passion in everything I do. I would like to learn how to fix this.
